Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Randomize
