she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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