Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The Olympian is in my bed
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