Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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