That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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