Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
