Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
