He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
