thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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