Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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