I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
