Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
