What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just tell him i said nine months
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
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