I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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