I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
