I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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