first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just tell him i said nine months
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
