Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
