very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This is classic penis vs brain.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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