You're so nebulous sometimes
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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