Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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