whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
