Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
