he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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