Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We don't watch enough power rangers
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
my liver is dry heaving
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