Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
