I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
