Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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