I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
