the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
