Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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