i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
