Define "chronic" masturbator.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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