C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
