I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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