I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
