i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
