So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Plan B is the new Plan A
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
