Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
