I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
