Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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