It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize