This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
