You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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