My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
