You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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