You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
