don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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