Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You can't motorboat a personality
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
