But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My vagina is officially offended.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
im on a boat
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