I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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