After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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