drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
