I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize