It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There r osticjed everywhere
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I lost the right to judge tonight
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
