I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Randomize
