and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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