I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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