do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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