Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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