allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
