I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
