I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
