i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
