yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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