I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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