so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
