why didn't you poke me back
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
