Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
